Here’s something that happens:

Okay. So, this part is actually fine.

People being nice is the coolest. Everyone should try it.

But here’s where things get tricky.

This virtual stranger wants to talk to me. And while I’m hoping my face says:

Something in my inherently awkward body language says:

And even this part would be fine.

But then the person says something like:

And I’m thinking to myself: Unless I’ve seen your cat on the internet already, I’m certain you are exaggerating.

But it doesn’t matter that this is an average house cat we’re talking about now, because it’s already started. And like a snowball rolling out of control into a fresh pile of boring, we’re off.

10 minutes later…

15 minutes after that…

And around this time, I’m thinking: I wish this person would either be more interesting or shut her stupid, talking face.

But they will not get more interesting.

And she will not stop.

And things keep going from bad to worse.

And some time later, my only recourse is to do something drastic…

It’s awful.

But this story has a happy ending, because my friend Jessica Hagy has written a new book. And it’s going to save the world.

That’s right! Now, you will be fully armed in the face of boring people. The next time someone asks you to discuss something mundane, like your taxes or their gluten allergy, just hand them this book and walk away slowly.

Or read it yourself. Her publisher sent me a copy, and I think it’s pretty fantastic. And inspiring. And funny. And other good things.

And. AND!

In honor of Jessica’s new book and as a sort of apology for all of the time I’ve been absent, I am giving away three copies of How to Be Interesting.

To win, just leave your name in the comment section, and I will randomly draw names. Check back next Monday for the winners.

I realize my time away has left you with some unresolved trust issues, but if you come back next Monday, the winners’ names will be here. I promise.

Disclaimer: While I did receive a copy of this book, I did not receive additional copies for a giveaway. It’s just that good, okay.

UPDATE: Because there were way more comments than I expected and because I do what I want, I decided to give away four copies of the book, and using some random comment picker site, Cici, DB, Megan Harris, Kimberly Jones were selected. Yay! I’ve emailed them the details on how to get their books, but I wish I could have given everyone copies because I need more email friends. (And also friends in general.) Does anyone want to hang out this weekend?

So here’s what’s up with me…

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I’m not great with decision making of any kind. I pretty much shut down and then wait in the corner, crying like a baby and hoping someone will handle everything for me. (Seriously. Watching me order dinner is basically like watching Sophie’s Choice, because what if I don’t like the chicken? OH MY GODDDD WHAT IF I HATE THE CHIIIIIIIICKEN!?!)

Unfortunately, the strategy of tricking someone else into deciding things for me stopped working around the second grade. So since then, I’ve been really into looking for a sign? And here’s how that plays out…

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And then I throw things, and I’m pretty sure that’s where the expression “Don’t cry over spilled milk comes from.” It also may be where the expression “You’ve broken your last carton of milk, ma’am. You’re not welcome here anymore” comes from.

Hey, by the way, I made some big life decisions this month, and I’m moving again.

So. You know. This.