So here’s what’s up with me…







I’m not great with decision making of any kind. I pretty much shut down and then wait in the corner, crying like a baby and hoping someone will handle everything for me. (Seriously. Watching me order dinner is basically like watching Sophie’s Choice, because what if I don’t like the chicken? OH MY GODDDD WHAT IF I HATE THE CHIIIIIIIICKEN!?!)

Unfortunately, the strategy of tricking someone else into deciding things for me stopped working around the second grade. So since then, I’ve been really into looking for a sign? And here’s how that plays out…




And then I throw things, and I’m pretty sure that’s where the expression “Don’t cry over spilled milk comes from.” It also may be where the expression “You’ve broken your last carton of milk, ma’am. You’re not welcome here anymore” comes from.

Hey, by the way, I made some big life decisions this month, and I’m moving again.

So. You know. This.


38 Responses to futuristic milk

  1. Wise_Ginge says:

    Are you at least moving to a new place with a pool? I mean, let’s be smart about this.

  2. Jenn says:

    Oh no! I’m sorry. Unless you’re somehow happy about it; in that case, congratulations! Moving is the worst.

  3. Chooplah says:

    You should’ve tried organic milk.

  4. neal says:

    Have you ever heard of Parmalat? It’s a boxed milk with shelf life of years. You’d only have to make a decision every time the Olympics came around.

  5. Lin says:



    haha I look like a crazy stalker. awesome.

  6. Alexandra says:

    You need to use that boxed milk that Europeans use that has a shelf life of like 3 years…



  7. Kim says:

    Milk can be a TOTAL hater! 😉

  8. Amy says:

    One question… which skirt do you like better on me …. this one? Or this one?

  9. Holly Folly says:

    Yep that’s me too. I’m get stuck on worst case scenarios for any given task and then I get afraid to go to town for fear I will be struck by a logging truck and murdered. So yeah.

  10. Alejandra says:

    Ah I feel your pain. I hate it when my milk cartoon get’s smartalecky with me too! O.o

    hehe …:))

  11. you need to get almond milk… that never goes bad.

  12. red says:

    I recently moved across the country. Packing was the most impossible for me. Every box is a major decision: Will I want this again before I move and unpack it? Should it be in a different box? Ugh.

    BUT I had a handful of friends come over to load the truck, and took them all out for pizza, and we had a ball. It was kind of a farewell party.

  13. I have the same problem with decision making–particularly with unimportant decisions. The more trivial, the more I agonize over it. (Which is ultimately a good thing, I suspect, as my job is basically comprised of making huge life decisions about other people’s lives all day.) I also have the same problem that no one will make my decisions for me anymore, either. I ask my partner and he either says he doesn’t know, or else that he doesn’t want to be responsible if I HATE HATE HATE the chicken I ordered for dinner.

    So I came up with a trick.

    I assign a letter or number (or sometimes just go even/odd) to the two choices and then ask him to pick a number/letter and then go with whichever choice his pick is closest to. He knows what I am up to, but most of the time he lets it go. And for the times he doesn’t? I got a random number generator app for my phone. Boo-ya. No decision making for me!

  14. tracey says:

    I have never found milk to be very reliable. This is what happens when we feed our cows mixed up remains of other cows. They produce assholish milk.

    Might I suggest the juice aisle?

    Best of luck.

  15. Eri says:

    LOLS! You know, there are days when I feel the same darn way. I also hate making decisions, especially big ones. I normally make the wrong one.

  16. I’m the worst at trying to decide what to order at a restaurant. Seriously. What if I don’t like what I’ve ordered and the way they do it?! Inevitably, I order something and it always turns out I should have gone with the other option. This is why I like places with picture menus… like Denny’s.

  17. Sanstrousers says:

    I hate it when milk keeps its secrets from me. Stupid milk.

  18. Meg says:

    Ohhhhhhhhh, I was supposed to ask the milk? I’ve been asking the eggs all these years! No wonder my life’s decisions have been a series of seemingly random and bizarre choices. I mean, if you think about it, eggs aren’t even babies. They’re less than babies. And they’re chicken less-than-babies, so they probably have the decision-making skills of shower mold.

    P.S. Thanks for making me laugh on a tough day. I’ve read before but never commented.

  19. Jay says:

    I hate moving so much that I signed a year lease for a really crappy room just so I won’t have to move yet. But at least I’ll only be paying $60 more for a room twice the size of my current one, with an actual closet, that isn’t having the sun beat in all day. And I only have to move down the hall, so yay.

    Also my boyfriend sucks at making simple decisions so I make them for him.

  20. Can I borrow some of your ‘smart’ milk to use in my recipes? I have some incredibly smart recipes….

  21. Sam says:

    Hahahahaha………Eccentric Baker you sound crazy! I loved the recipe you shared by the way as I stumbled on your blog. Smart milk can be used for what recipe? Dumb minds in need of intelligence?

  22. Lori says:

    Why can’t my milk talk to me. I want talking milk.

  23. Pish Posh says:

    Moving is one of the worst things in the world. After the top ten like atrocity type things. Next is moving. But I wish you luck with that.

    Also, for god’s sake start carrying a Magic 8 ball and really believe it knows what is best for you. Works for me.

    Don’t tell anyone I said that though.

  24. Joyce says:

    I had a handful of friends come over to load the truck, and took them all out for pizza, and we had a ball. It was kind of a farewell party.

  25. I am the complete opposite when it comes to decision making. I make spontaneous, ill thought out life-changing decisions in a blink of an eye just so I don’t have indecision hanging over my head. It’s not a better way to go.

  26. sheriji says:

    Have nominated you for a Reader Appreciation Award. See the “rules” here:

    Keep posting!

  27. Yvonne says:

    Is this kind of milk can use for cooking…Thanks for a post..

  28. Theresa says:

    I LOVE your site. I will be stalking your archives, but I promise I am not dangerous. 🙂

  29. Terry says:

    Decisions, ugh…when you find your sign let me know. I could use one! 🙂

  30. Sharona Zee says:

    I miss you! You moved me!

  31. I have a similar inability to make even the smallest decision. I feel like I really need to consider all the factors surrounding my decision – only then will I feel truly informed… And hope that someone else makes the decision for me.

  32. Pauline says:

    I share your hate of moving, great post!

  33. Stephanie says:

    This is amazing! So funny! also, moving sucks.

  34. […] Have trouble making decisions? Got milk? […]

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