Here’s something that happens:

Okay. So, this part is actually fine.

People being nice is the coolest. Everyone should try it.

But here’s where things get tricky.

This virtual stranger wants to talk to me. And while I’m hoping my face says:

Something in my inherently awkward body language says:

And even this part would be fine.

But then the person says something like:

And I’m thinking to myself: Unless I’ve seen your cat on the internet already, I’m certain you are exaggerating.

But it doesn’t matter that this is an average house cat we’re talking about now, because it’s already started. And like a snowball rolling out of control into a fresh pile of boring, we’re off.

10 minutes later…

15 minutes after that…

And around this time, I’m thinking: I wish this person would either be more interesting or shut her stupid, talking face.

But they will not get more interesting.

And she will not stop.

And things keep going from bad to worse.

And some time later, my only recourse is to do something drastic…

It’s awful.

But this story has a happy ending, because my friend Jessica Hagy has written a new book. And it’s going to save the world.

That’s right! Now, you will be fully armed in the face of boring people. The next time someone asks you to discuss something mundane, like your taxes or their gluten allergy, just hand them this book and walk away slowly.

Or read it yourself. Her publisher sent me a copy, and I think it’s pretty fantastic. And inspiring. And funny. And other good things.

And. AND!

In honor of Jessica’s new book and as a sort of apology for all of the time I’ve been absent, I am giving away three copies of How to Be Interesting.

To win, just leave your name in the comment section, and I will randomly draw names. Check back next Monday for the winners.

I realize my time away has left you with some unresolved trust issues, but if you come back next Monday, the winners’ names will be here. I promise.

Disclaimer: While I did receive a copy of this book, I did not receive additional copies for a giveaway. It’s just that good, okay.

UPDATE: Because there were way more comments than I expected and because I do what I want, I decided to give away four copies of the book, and using some random comment picker site, Cici, DB, Megan Harris, Kimberly Jones were selected. Yay! I’ve emailed them the details on how to get their books, but I wish I could have given everyone copies because I need more email friends. (And also friends in general.) Does anyone want to hang out this weekend?

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73 Responses to good news for people who hate boring news (updated)

  1. Jordan V says:

    my name is jordie v! pick me!

    (Note: I could’ve just gone with the more demure “My name is Jordan”, but then I couldn’t have rhymed, and that would be sad. I’m sure you understand.)

  2. Lee says:

    I’m glad you are back. Your blog is bookmarked and I check it often. But more importantly, I have to tell you about MY cat…

  3. andrea says:

    Cool

  4. I could really use this book. Really. I’m quite boring. So I’m trusting you to come back, okay?
    Jessica @ Just a Mum? recently posted..There We Go!

  5. Andrew Wise says:

    We’ve missed you, come back and write more stuff!

    Also, free book!

  6. Debbie L says:

    Welcome back!

  7. Welcome back! I’d love a copy of this book. I know a few folks who could use it.

  8. Megan Harris says:

    So, I’m pretty sure I am the boring person featured in your cartoon. Sorry about that. Sometimes I just don’t know what to say and keep talking to avoid silence.

    clearly, I need this book.

  9. Kimberly Jones says:

    So glad you’re back!

  10. Molly says:

    I feel this way so much – thank you for this genius post! And congratulations ot Jessica!

  11. Lisa K says:

    Yay you’re back!

  12. Shaina says:

    my name is Shaina, NOT Shania

  13. db says:

    Whoa, posts from *you* and *HYP* within a month! My OCD stalking of both your sites totally paid off!

  14. Kate says:

    I need this book!

  15. caroline says:

    Free book? Yes, please!

  16. Anna says:

    I think I might have peed a little from laughing so hard. Is that more interesting than talking about a cat?
    Anna recently posted..And a Whoppin’ Big Hug to You All!

  17. HYP says:

    I thought this post was about me. Then I kept reading and now I KNOW it was about me. Thank you for being a friend.

  18. Ken says:

    My name is Ken and I need this book.

  19. Caressa says:

    Woo.

  20. WhoopAss says:

    Yay, you’re back! I definitely need this book because I am losing the skill of conversing with people about anything other than my cat’s dietary habits.

  21. Patty says:

    What do you have planned for this weekend? Did you get your hair cut recently? I like purple.

  22. LauraMaylene says:

    But what if my cat really DID do the funniest thing yesterday? Huh? And may I add: wordswordswordsboringwords.

    Signed,
    People at cocktail parties hate me.
    LauraMaylene recently posted..Blair Leatherwood Reads “Q&A at the Film Fest”

  23. me me me me me, please!
    Linda Bottino.
    by the way, I missed you!

  24. Jaime says:

    YES…. i need that book!

  25. Tara Eastman says:

    What a wonderful giveaway!

    Tara Eastman for an entry….

    p.s. have missed your blog posts. :)

  26. Angelique says:

    I have a gluten allergy. That’s how bad I need this book. Pleeeeeease. Plus it will help me overcome my trust issues with you.

  27. Ami Dodson says:

    You are buying books to give away with your own REAL money? Wow, that’s something. If I win a copy of this book, I will send you a copy of my husband’s new book, Federal Pleading Standards in the 21st Century. It’s a page turner, let me tell you! Actually, it’s probably the antithesis of How to be Interesting. I’ll send you a copy anyway.

  28. Jim Sterne says:

    I have already purchased 3 copies so if I win, please pick somebody else who can benefit. The book is awesome… and we’re so glad you’re back!

  29. Melissa says:

    Are we being literal about the “leaving your name” bit? What about nicknames? Pen names? Embarrassing remnants of childhood pet names that we don’t want anyone to ever know, ever?

    Glad to see another post here. Y’can call me whatever you like.

    Also, I want to read this book so I have an excuse to buy it for everyone I work with. Is that wrong?

    • kendall says:

      You don’t have to leave your name. As long as you provide an email address when prompted (it won’t be published), I’ll know how to find you and make you or someone you know more interesting)

  30. Anna W says:

    I’m always excited to read a new book! Pick me – Anna W :)

  31. Paddy says:

    I need this book! From one socially awkward gal to another.

  32. Mary says:

    Can’t wait to read more of your posts. I already had unresolved trust issues, don’t worry.

  33. Holly Folly says:

    I’m not boring, I’m uh, I’m um, ah, you know what? Just let me have a chance at winning alright?
    Holly Folly recently posted..My Place and a Conversation with Grandma.

  34. Mayor Gia says:

    Ha! I literally walked away while someone was still talking to me and an acquaintance this weekend. She. Would. Not. Stop.
    Mayor Gia recently posted..Getting Up Early on the Weekend Should Be Illegal

  35. Annette says:

    I would love to read this ;-)

  36. Sharona says:

    Thank you for being interesting and having interesting friends. Life sucks less when it’s fun!

  37. Clip Snark says:

    Ha! I accidentally scrolled too fast at first and it looked like an animation of you jumping through the window. Bonus animation. I can relate to this! :-)
    Clip Snark recently posted..This Is What Spring Makes Me Feel Like

  38. Cici says:

    I finally stopped talking because I believe that everything I say is boring. So winning the book will change my life.

  39. Dee DeWitt says:

    I’m glad you’re not dead, I had worried a little.

  40. joey says:

    I love indexed :D

  41. First, I have to tell you about this thing on my dog’s shoulder that oozes sometimes…
    Amy (KidFreeLiving) recently posted..How Famous People Ruin Vacations

  42. Marisa says:

    My name is Marisa, and you should definitely pick me!
    (Except if this giveaway is US only, in which case, let me excuse myself so I can go cry quietly in a corner)

  43. So glad to see you back! Pleasepleaseplease stay this time! We promise we won’t bore you to death! :)
    PS. My name is Jessa.
    Jessa @ Shalom Sweet Home recently posted..Pomelo Que Quiero: Weird Fruits of Israel, Part 2

  44. Candy Joyce says:

    If you gave me the book I would proceed to give it away to someone I know who could really use it!

    My name is Candy

  45. Sharona Zee says:

    I like that you know about the broken trust thing…makes me trust you more, against my better judgement, perhaps. It all goes back to my parents divorce, blah blah blah

    also, my dog did the cutest thing!
    Sharona Zee recently posted..Buzzin’ with the Birds and Bees

  46. Kerstin Peterson says:

    My name is Kerstin and I would love a copy of the book!

  47. janewilk says:

    Woohoo! You’re back! I totally want to be (more) interesting, and learn how to get away from people who talk about their cats’ digestive challenges.

  48. SassC says:

    I certainly need some help to be more interesting. While I do not tax others with tales of my cat climbing into the dishwasher, instead I sit silently and try to look alluring. (it’s not working!)

  49. Michael says:

    What, you don’t like forced awkward conversation drawn out with boring topics? Isn’t it the worst. I love that you’ve jumped out the window haha.
    Michael recently posted..Make It Happen May!

  50. Tara B says:

    I just found your blog and I love it!

  51. lindsay says:

    My name is Lindsay.

  52. Alexis says:

    Just when I thought thought I would never again see a post that uses the phrase fuck your shit I’m in a bear suit (which is practically vernacular at our house) you’re back. YAY!

    Also would love the book – Alexis Dubief :)
    Alexis recently posted..Eat Play Sleep Fail

  53. JoAnna says:

    I’m a law student and EVERY time I tell someone that they say, “oh, I better watch out or you might sue me.” And then I slowly back away before I punch them in the face.

  54. kim says:

    comment.

  55. Liz says:

    My name is Liz and I’d like a copy (I couldn’t think any anything witty to write so I might actually need it)

  56. Melissa says:

    Wait, I haven’t missed the deadline yet?!

    My name is Melissa, and I “hold alt, 3, release” reading!

  57. Trish says:

    I’m so boring I can’t think of a clever comment

  58. I’m kind of DYING to be interesting. I hope you pick me!

    sf

  59. Eleanor Wilson says:

    Very funny. Keep it up!

  60. Kari F says:

    Ooo oo ooooooo! I like things that aren’t boring! Pick me pick me!
    Kari F recently posted..I didn’t know what to make for dinner so I bought a bookcase.

  61. Barbara E says:

    Glad you’re back!

  62. Vicki says:

    Wow! So glad you’re back… I’m quite sure my cats and I could benefit from this book!

  63. Anne MM says:

    I totally want to tell you about the boring, but kind, person who told me in detail for half an hour about the color scheme of her entire house. Oh, God, it was so dull…

    She needs this book.

    I fear that talking about how dull someone else is may also be quite dull … I need this book too.

  64. Lindsey says:

    Yay! You’re back!

  65. sheriji says:

    As always, I’m too late to hope for the free book. Guess I will have to buy it myself. But, I’ve been wanting to write a funny post about what I am actually thinking when teaching piano lessons to that student who justdidn’tdoesn’teverhavetimetopractice and I was wondering if you would mind if I “grabbed” the pictures of you jumping out your window and used them. I would refer back to you I promise.

    And I’d love to hang out, but I’m actually busy this weekend (this never actually happens). Maybe next weekend?
    sheriji recently posted..a new kind of blueberry

  66. Ronnie says:

    Can you talk her into a pamphlet or index card that I can keep handy and just pass out. Also will there be chips like AA?

    “Hello my name is X and It’s been 3 months since I told a story about my lactose intolerance.”
    Ronnie recently posted..Work Out Till You Drop

  67. maurnas says:

    I am kind of awkward and people only need 2 minutes to realize they would rather talk to that person on the other side of the room from me. Like, anyone on the other side of room.

  68. Desire says:

    What an awesome post I can so relate to it! You tickle my funnybone!
    Desire recently posted..Too much wine, too much hair and a wheel of cheese

  69. I just came across your blog from The Bloggess website, and I love it!

  70. […] From her post Good News For People Who Hate Boring News […]

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