If you follow me on Twitter, then this post will not be news to you (sorry about that, maybe click over to CNN? I hear they’ve got news for days over there).

For those of you don’t follow me on Twitter  or who spent your weekend doing something other than reading a Twitter feed: First of all, I commend you. And second of all, I need to explain to you that over the weekend something happened to me. For reasons I may never understand, my brain zeroed in on Bowser, the Nintendo villain, and I decided to tweet about him almost exclusively for the foreseeable future.

Here are some highlights:

There were more, but I think you pretty much get the gist. I thought I’d share the tweets here on the off chance that you might appreciate them.

If you don’t appreciate it, you’re not alone. Something like ten people unfollowed me during this Bowser-fueled delirium. That didn’t bother me, though, because it’s only Twitter.

(new drawings coming later this week. I know this doesn’t count as a for real post.)

(p.s. so we’re clear: I didn’t draw Bowser, because I wanted to use the most Nintendo-y version of him to get my point across. I’m not trying to pass off the work of Nintendo as my own. I’m only responsible for the drawing one of the left. You know. The stick figure.)

Just a few charts to get you through the blue-blazing heat of the summer.

Hey! Did you enjoy winter? How about that fifteen-minute breeze we called spring? Whelp, I hope you’ve had your fill of being cold, because from now until October you’re going to be one unshaded moment away from spontaneously combusting. YAY!

It’s time to get excited about sweating through everything you own.

More importantly, it’s time to get acquainted with someone–anyone. really–that owns a pool.

Pools are imperative during the summer, because the summer months are when all of those days you spent as a kid pretending the floor was lava pay off. Because in the summertime EVERYTHING ACTUALLY IS LAVA.

Take my neighborhood for example. During the fall, winter and spring it looks like this:

But in the summer, my neighborhood looks like this:

Befriending my neighbors is going to be a pretty big challenge, since I’m fairly certain they hate me on account of how much I hate them (and all of their friends who habitually park in front of my house and/or mailbox and their dog and their music). But I plan to rise to the occasion.

And in the meantime, I’ll be sucking down Slurpees like it’s my job.

This post is not endorsed by lava or slurpees. Summer, however, is literally and figuratively sponsored by the surface of the sun.