This may come as a surprise to you–it certainly came as a surprise to me–but there is a certain level of demand for vampire squid merchandise. And if you follow me on Twitter, you are also aware of the small, but persistent demand for merchandise bearing the phrase: Murder Party. (I am not making this up. People have actually asked me for these things.)
For those of you not familiar with the term “Murder Party”, it is my go-to expletive when a day turns sour. For example, last week, I lost my wedding ring, and I was feeling pretty grumpy. And for four days straight–it took four days to recovery the ring–most everything made me angry, causing me to think or say aloud : “murder party”. It’s basically my way of warning the world that I’m feeling homicidal.*
So for the people that love vampire squid and murder party as much as I do, I have designed a T-shirt:
All you have to do to win the one-of-a-kind, American Apparel, vampire squid/murder party T-shirt above (in the sleeve length of your choice!) is use “murder party ” in a sentence. I have selected an impartial judge in the form of VitaminP (Twitter handle @vitaminp), who owes me a favor after I guest illustrated a post for him earlier this week. He will select the funniest entry (people, he knows funny), and I will announce the winner on Monday morning.
To be considered, please leave your sentence(s) in the comment section below before noon (EST) on Sunday. Enter as many times as you please.
*I’m in no way homicidal, nor am I endorsing homicide, patricide, matricide or any other form of actual murder.
68 Responses to vampire squid t-shirt give away
Leave a Reply
All text and images by this is not that blog are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at www.thisisnotthatbog.com.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be requested by e-mailing notthatkendall@gmail.com.
I’m going to the store to buy chips and dip and vodka for my murder party this weekend! YAY!
Hey, Puffin. Don’t tell Vampire Squid about the murder party on Friday night, because he wasn’t invited. If he asks what you’re doing, make up a story like you and I are going to the library or something. He’d totally believe that.
That last one was actually 4 sentences, I hope I don’t get docked for using murder party in 4 sentences instead of 1.
Is this a true, unbiased contest?
Didn’t think so.
You’ll just pick your friends.
That’s OK, I’m going to steal your idea (oh yes I am) but instead of bombs hanging off your vampire squid, I’m going to have baby puffins.
I won’t change the words Murder Party, though. That stays.
But you’re my friend. Everyone’s my friend. That’s why I asked VitaminP to be the judge. Because I know he actually will pick the funniest comment. I can bring in a new judge, one of your choosing if you’d like.
I’m a little sad that you’re questioning the integrity of my contest.
Oh, dude. I got so fucked up at the murder party last night, I don’t even remember who I killed.
This contest is giving me hives and performance anxiety. Also, the way this night has spiraled out of control can only be summed up with one word: murderparty.
When I finally get to your house, we’re throwing the BEST MURDER PARTY EVER.
My feet hurt 🙁
Look. As the guy who fucking hates blogging, blogospheres and blogoville….take it from me. I’ve been writing on the “web/net/interwebs/blogs/blog/blogosphere” for almost three years with NO commercial success whatsoever.
If you want to pick a successful blogger to judge your contest that’s cool. I’m not that guy. But the fact is, The 21st Century Mrs. did this as a favor to me…to try and gain exposure to my blog while also promoting hers. If you can’t see that, then you’re a vacuous ass who probably doesn’t even pay for their own internet connection. The fact is, no matter what the product is, we’re all salesmen/women and we all need each other.
If you have any problems or suggestions or comments or thoughts or improvisations just go ahead and kill yourself. Because that’s America! Whoo!
That wasn’t a very nice thing to say. And here I was going to ask you to be my date to the next murder party. Now I think I might just have to ask somebody else. 🙁
Who’s Phildo and why does he want me to kill myself and shove vacuums up my ass?
Also? Jillsmo really wants this T shirt, and I know her…she won’t stop.
Might as well just give it to her now.
Should I go meet Vitamin P?
xo
True story
I have a name. It happens to be on the nametag tacked to my chest. My name is not guy! Murderparty! No really get me baseball bat because this guys face has seen better days.
So that I can sleep tonight, I am here to apologize to @vitaminP.
I am sorry.
I was teasing and would not question the integrity of this contest.
I was joking, as I often do, with the mrs and jillsmo.
I know you would’ve been fair and would have chosen the funniest comment.
I was just kidding, and meant no offense by it, or toward you, at all.
Please come back and judge.
I am not an asshole.
Thank you. I don’t think that only the mrs friend’s would have been picked, and I would never steal the sweet lady mrs vampire squid idea.
I’d just like to point out the functionality of this tshirt. It’s great for when you wake up in a homicidal rage and want to warn the world. It’s fantastic when you’re at the gym, on a treadmill, next to a smelly man who keeps staring at your boobs. It’s ideal for those work situations where if you actually speak what you’re thinking out loud you’d get fired by HOUR and/or when canadian neighbors move in and make you drink excessive amounts of wine (I’m lookin at you HYP). But maybe most of all, it’s perfect for when your sandwich gets all bitchy and distant and refuses to give you more than 16 pickles. #murderparty. Perfect for all scenarios.
Shit just got Leibniz up in here: the best of all posible worlds– #murderparty!
Hour was H.R which apparently my damn bb won’t let me type out. Its effin 3 am bb, let me do what I want. #murderparty.
*ahem*
Calm. Down.
What I mean to say – PS brilliant marketing btw – is that I’m not being impartial.
I don’t give a damn. I’m the House, MD of blogging. I’m good at it, I really am, but I couldn’t give a shit as to my own success. This was neat for me because I get to be removed from my own shit. Judge, be judged, woot, be wooted. Last, but not least, you’ve somehow engaged in a hate campaign on the website belonging to someone who I can gather that you really love and enjoy reading.
She’s trying to reach out to someone who has less readership and involve *me* in her experience so I can gain a bit of exposure (as opposed to “new people who want to kill me without understanding why” – which is apparently listed as “because you’re an asshole” on the list of reasons “why”). If this is a problem, then, yes, I maintain that we’re clearly not in America and we *should* all be shot or shoot ourselves. The fact is, you’re all at the website of an extremely talented writer and illustrator who consistently creates brilliant content that makes us all laugh. If it’s her fault for recommending me as a source to do the same, then I apologize sincerely. If it’s our fault then, for wanting a badger (or what was it?) t-shirt too harshly, then I still apologize.
At this point I don’t really see what I can do that wouldn’t hurt or harm the situation so I’m just going to return to my whiskey and my writing. I’m sorry to disappoint those who would have sought me out after your blog, and I’m sorry Mrs. for not being a better judge.
That being said, if you all want t-shirts, let them have t-shirts. I’m just here to say that WHAT?!
Hmmm, I smell a MURDER PARTY brewing in this comment section! I’ll bring the bleach!
Would a poem be accepted?
I’m a fish
I’m a fish
I’m a fish
I’m a fish
I’m a fish
I’m a spoon
MURDER PARTY
Please let me know if this doesn’t work for you and I will return and write a sentence. I need that shirt.
This one pisses me off because it’s fucking brilliant. Murder party!!
I AM SORRY THAT I AM SO AWESOME.
YOU SHOULD BE SORRY
I TAKE IT BACK I AM NOT ANYMORE.
Gun-wielding panda don’t care. Gun-wielding panda don’t give a shit. Win this t-shirt, stupids.
I’m totally joking VP, so don’t yell at me. I will cry. Also: I am a princess which I’m pretty sure makes yelling at me illegal in 6 states (the same law applies for Empresses, FYI).
…AAAAND BACK TO THIS CONTEST OF AWESOMENESS!!!! I am WAY too nervous to submit an entry now because I NEED to win this shirt. If I submitted an entry now, it would be something extremely lame like “One time, I was at this murder party… and… um… they had a delicious variety of cheeses.” See? I’m just too pumped up right now. I’ll be back.
AMo
The fuck?
I’m having a murder party in my pants right now.
I was looking through one of those trashy tabloids in line at the supermarket, and there were all kinds of picture of Suri Cruise and her fashionable ensembles. It infuriated me. Why does this preschooler have better style than me?! So I sent out murder party invites to Suri Cruise’s outfits and accessories. They must pay. *sharpens machete*
A vampire squid shirt would totally ease my homicidal rage and make me feel trendier than a four year old.
P.S. This is the most awesome giveaway ever in history. Suck it ipad 2.
LOVE this teeshirt!!! you have to sell them after this contest. I’d definitely buy one. I heart the phrase “murder party”.
“officer, it was a huge misunderstanding. the invitation clearly said it was a murder SHE WROTE party. That’s why all the corpses are dressed like Angela Landsbury and Tom Bosley.”
I want my murder party and I want it now! Get in here!
You’re invited to my murder party and it’s BYOB (bring your own boob).
Okay, I have the tag line to the shirt (perhaps on the back):
..and you’re the guest of honor.
Ain’t no party like a murder party, ’cause a murder party don’t stop. Ever. You know, because it’s murder… which is permanent…
Shit. This is bad. I have a severe case of murder party writer’s block.
I hope you are happy. Instead of concentrating on how to become an extreme couponer, I am coming up with murder party comments….
Another murder party tagline..
Murder party, because not everyone deserves to live
you know what, remove the ‘because not everyone deserves to live’ from the contest. cuz i don’t like it and i don’t believe it. it was meant to be tongue in cheek, but i think it’s too mean spirited.
sorry.
I bet @vitaminP has already picked a winner.
Has he heard use of this phrase in a song? A song by Miley Cyrus? Hmmm??
I got my guns up, they’re not playing my song, the butterflies won’t fly away, I’m nodding my head like yeah, moving my hips like yeah, I got my guns up, they’re not playing my song, everything thing’s not gonna be okay, yeahhahahahahhhhhhhh, it’s a Murder Party in the USA!!!
I am officially not taking this contest seriously until the absolute last moment, during which I will be INTENSELY serious.
There’s a party goin’ on right here
A celebration to last through all the beer
So bring your good times, and your T-shirts too
We gonna murder party with you.
I can’t think of anything witty. Guess I’ll just have to have a solo murder party because I suck so bad no one will come.
Later tonight (after I’ve been drinking) the mrs will be thinking “GODDAMMIT. WHY didn’t I put a limit on the number of times people can enter? MURDER PARTY!!!!”
If @vitaminP isn’t already INSTENSELY serious than he would be the last person I would want to run into at a MURDER PARTY!
I can tell you all entering here are young because you’re engaging in High Risk Behavior by entering this crazy contest.
I am only here again to warn, and this is not an additional comment (but, you can count it as one, mrs, due to my having to sleep with a machete under my pillow since this shitastic twitter shenanigans began.)
No kidding you like pie and shenanigans.
Sheesh.
Anyway, oh, yeah, the risky behaviorness:
you do know if you enter here, you get told to vacuum out your ass by Mr Philo dough, right?
Maybe that doesn’t bother you all with the 20 yr old anuses, but me?
Well, you could hear the screams across the next 6 states if I were to turn that suction on.
Which I won’t.
Bad enough we’re having a #murderparty, much less couple it with a #vacuumyerass party.
I’m not young. Murder party!
You guys are crackin’ me up.
LOVE the t-shirt 🙂
BTW:
Did you hear? It’s B.Y.O.B.B. at the Murder Party on Saturday – Bring Your Own Body Bag.
Body Bags should be provided. A good hostess would see to that.
When I host a murder party I make sure there’s plenty of body bags, an array of weapons, and that the food and beverage is covered with saran wrap to prevent blood spatter from seeping in.
just sayin.
Ever the thoughtful hostess, for sure 🙂
Here I stand, all alone
All alone, standing
Alone in my aloneness,
my solitude is suffocating
Soley, I am here
Alone with my soul
An eternity in my aloneness
Forever alone, for noone
will invite me to the
MURDER PARTY
THAT IS HOW YOU WIN A FUCKING CONTEST, Y’ALL.
You’d better watch your back. Murder party.
[…] Get a chance to win an awesome tee shirt by an awesome blogger, the 21st Century Mrs by simply just writing a sentence using the phrase “murder party.” […]
“Knives! Arsenic! Hot glue! Yes it’s…MURDER PARTY IN A BOX!”
Operators are standing by! Order now and get this bonus, “MURDER PARTY FAMILY EDITION” with special options for the passive-aggressive mother-in-law and the brother who won’t date women his own age!
OMG I EFFING LOVE THIS. This would sell like HOTCAKES!
The Republican and Democratic Party are so 20th century. Vote Murder Party in 2012, or we’ll fucking kill you.
PS The Republicans have their elephant and the democrats have their donkey. I’m thinking the murder party’s symbol is obvious.
My soul is full of rage
I cannot wait for the day
Of MURDER PARTY
Haiku. HAIKU, PEOPLE.
I don’t want to be rude or anything but that first line has 6 syllables.
*cough*
I’m just sayin’
*giggle*
GODDAMNIT.
If you don’t give me the shirt, this LLA-Princess may be forced o take revenge on the spelling bee champ jillsmo 🙂
fyi…I have murder for less
I like that. It’s sounds like getting a bargain.
“Murder on sale! You think you can find murder cheaper? No way! Murder for less right here!”
I mean I have murdered for less… That’s directed at you Ms Jillsmo. I have a slightly used husband I can give you for the shirt…..just let us both win, lol. Oh and bonus** It would be like an alibi. Cause really who murders wearing a Murder Party shirt……
I’ll be your alibi if you give me the shirt. Just sayin
You know what’s awesome?
Finding new friends on Twitter.
Star Murder Party.
uh maybe we can have special shirts made for Star Murder Party …..just a thought
Here, I sit
Naked
Draped in nothing but hope
that I am the winner of this T shirt
*WTF..everyone already hates me in this town anyway.
Maybe I will let you win
Unless you can’t keep your mouth shut
Read my lips you are pissing me off all these poems and entries
Death can bring peace and silence
Eventually I will win
Revenge to you all if I don’t
Pandas know I have killed for less
Always watching, so sleep with one eye open
Run away don’t even try anymore
Tweet Peeps you have nothing on this Princess
You lose, game over #MurderParty
Suck it you all that’s some serious flippin poetry lmao 😉
My murder party is a MUST attend! People are dying to get in!
….how was that? Did I win the tshirt? Huh? Did I?
If I don’t win this thing there will be QUITE the murder party.
Quite.
Jillsmo really wants this T shirt, and I know her…she won’t stop. Everyone’s my friend. I’m not young. Has he heard use of this phrase in a song?
Here’s a sentence. I play bass in a band called Murder Party. facebook.com/splattersplatter