Editor’s note: This is probably not the best day to start reading my blog, so if you’re new, I’m sorry. The wheels kind of came off the bus on this one.
I don’t even know where to start.
People are ridiculous. It’s probably an awesome ridiculous, though, because someone found my site by searching this:
Which is my new favorite sentence, because I’m pretty sure every situation gets better when you say “fuck your shit I’m in a bear suit.”
Like, the day you buy a bear suit.
Your first day of work.
Your last day of work, which will most likely be about 5 minutes after you show up dressed as a bear, because bear suits maybe aren’t business casual.
The day your girlfriend decides to break up with you, because you lost your job and you won’t take off your bear suit.
Even the day you realize most of your life has unraveled because you’re in a bear suit will definitely get a little better when you say:
You could be thinking: Kendall. This literally makes no sense.
To which I would respond: Skeptical reader, you might be right. I accidentally stabbed cut my finger earlier today while I was cooking, and I’ve been a little delirious with a combination of blood loss and the trauma of almost having to face the world without all of my digits. (Maybe the cut wasn’t that bad, but I seriously hope I never get stabbed to death because that shit was painful.)
But the surprising delight of “fuck your shit I’m in a bear suit” won’t seem so absurd when you’re unarmed and dressed as a bear during the zombie apocalypse.
Because being unarmed in a zombie apocalypse? That’s what would be really absurd. And anyway, who doesn’t look for a little comic relief just before their brains are devoured by zombies?
45 Responses to bear suits make everything better
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Hahahaha! You’re right, that’s like the best phrase ever. I’d also like to point out some nice gems in that search: “camera steals soul” and “how long puffins are pregnant”.
Good stuff Kendall!!!!
haha! Nearly wet my pants first thing in the morning at work laughing and reading this. Its the little things! 😉
Perhaps zombies are afraid of bears. I’ve never heard anything about them devouring bear brains. This might work out to your advantage.
I really need to work this sentence into a conversation today.
Bear suits. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
I’m with Princess Muffintop….I’m def going to try to work this into a conversation today. It’s that awesome.
Just about peed my pants at work reading this! AWESOME!
Now I want a bear suit so I can casually drop this phrase in conversation.
I fact I would TOTALLY get one, if it weren’t for my paralyzing fear of crabs. Because I g-u-a-r-a-n-t-e-e you’re going to catch a whopping case of crabs from a bear suit.
I would seriously buy a poster of this.
OH. MY GOD. I am crying.
CRYING. And not because I’m afraid of the zombie apocalypse, because I’m totally not.
OMG. Hilarious. I want a bear suit.
Best bear costume – AND best zombies, ever.
Can I order my bear suit here?
I’m pretty sure this is the best thing I’ll read all day. Possibly all week. Hell, probably all year.
I would go out and buy a bear suit right this minute, but I’m also pretty sure I would die of heat exhaustion in this humid Arkansas spring. Damn, how do those bears do it?
You’re supposed to have a “good-bye forever” suitcase in your closet?
WTF…can’t I do ANYTHING right?
Now I know what I want to be for Halloween! I’m not sure I have enough attitude to pull this off.
Sad Wine-o was the name for my new winery dammit. Now I got to think of something different.
Oh
MY
GOD
You are just so damn good
I am laughing out loud…the initials LOL just won’t even touch this.
LAUGHING OUT LOUD. At so many parts.
You genius you.
Also: I have got to start saying “fuck your shit.”
Love that.
It does not get any better than this. Well maybe a zombie inside a bear suit on a boat with T-Pain. But I’m not sure my heart could handle it.
I end my conversations with a college roommate by saying “Goodbye forever”, so the Goodby Forever suitcase is amazing. It’s the best way to dump a guy I’ve ever seen!
Every. Fucking. Time.
You trump my shit because you’re in a bear suit.
God damn it.
I don’t even know what this means but it is fucking funny.
[…] yesterday, I stumbled across this at This Is Not That Blog. How can you NOT find this absolutely hilarious? I sent the link to S […]
Will you be hosting a bear suit giveaway soon?
Um that whole list of ways people found your blog is hilarious and now? My kids will not be the three bears for Halloween.
LOL I totally found your blog for the first time today. I have impeccable timing, as always 🙂 LOVED IT!!
You’re wrong – This is the most awesome post to come in on for the first time.
OMG…my husband thought I was crazy I was laughing so hard. i really needed this today!
Sweet! Now I know what I can say when I log out of Facebook for the last time! Or when Omg in laws get all up my ass about something retarded… AGAIN. Now I just have to find a bear suit!
I just laughed until I cried! And I find the editor’s note to be completely unnecesarry, because even though I just found your blog today, this post is the reason I’m coming back tomorrow. 🙂
You know this is the second time today that the internet has encouraged me to buy an animal costume… I’m pretty sure I’m going to start paying attention if this carries on.
Funnee! My huz has a polar bear suit; I’m gonna make him wear it and say those words. It’ll be great with a British accent.
Imagine Kanye in the bear suit, you know, because he wears them. Takes this to a whole new level.
I-wanr-a-bear-suit-NOW!
Oh, man, this post makes me laugh like a bastard EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I am always late to the best damn parties. Consider yourself officially stalked…you’re in the commune I’m starting of funny ladies who make me spit water on the keyboard…come with us, k?
This is awesome. Great post. I’m still laughing. Would love a suit as well!
I rarely laugh out loud. But I’m laughing. Out loud!
Totally lost it laughing at this one! Excellent!
I have strange google analytics on my site sometimes too. Makes you go hmmmmm…
Still wiping tears and getting dirty looks from my husband who is on scaffolding.
Wow, I’ve read and shared this about ninety times, and yet I just realized this is my first time to actually respond on it.
Epic. Epic Win, Kendall.
OMG…my husband thought I was crazy I was laughing so hard. haha! Best bear costume – AND best zombies, ever.
[…] of shit to each other. Like the time I sent her the link to This Is Not That Blog’s “Fuck your shit, I’m in a bear suit” post. It’s literally one of my favorite of Kendall’s posts, and it cheers me […]
Damn. Now I want a bear suit.
i could wear it as a costume to the …well to almost everything!
[…] The funny thing about this post is that I actually have a bear suit. In fact, I have […]
Hey! Hi. Your post is WAY better than mine though. 😉
http://www.mylifeaslucille.blogspot.com/2012/12/how-you-found-me-this-week.html#comment-form
And thus, Nicholas Cage in “The Wicker Man”
[…] from This Is Not That Blog for the sole purpose that it makes me laugh. A lot. Â Especially this post which I frequent often and when I have a bad day my husband will hear me quoting “Fuck your […]