Nothing cuts through the red tape of bureaucracy like the razor-sharp teeth of a great white shark!

Sharks are great motivators.

Looking for that extra incentive your employees need to stay focused? Well, look no further.

Sharks can improve employees’ health.

Does your company have a wellness program? Well, being chased by sharks is great cardio! Imagine how quickly your employees will be whipped into shape while swimming away from sharks in a freshly chummed tank.

Onsite fitness centers are all the rage these days, and think of the money your company will save in health insurance costs as employees burn those pounds swimming for their lives*! (*Life insurance claims may increase.)

Sharks will speed up your approval processes.

Hate lapsed deadlines? Can’t get your projects approved on time? Sharks can help!

Sharks can help with team-building.

Stop wasting money on employee workshops that promote teamwork, because nothing brings people together like surviving a life-threatening experience. The next time someone falls head first into the shark tank, encourage your employees to fish him out.

Sharks will boost morale.

Because every day that you don’t die between the jaws of a powerful predator is a great day.

Sharks in the workplace are sure to be the next big trend. Because when you’re working with sharks, you’re not just working like it’s your job. You’re working like your life depends on it.

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20 Responses to five ways to improve your workplace…with sharks

  1. Oh love this!!! I wish there were sharks at my former workplace, I wouldn’t have minded pulling the lever on them.

  2. LMAO!!!

    Suddenly, I am so thankful for being unemployed.

  3. anne says:

    I don’t think even sharks could motivate the people I work with.

    the white words

  4. VerbVixen says:

    I would DIE or be the employee of the year at a place with sharks. Either or, no in between.

  5. “Because every day that you don’t die between the jaws of a powerful predator is a great day.”….truer words were never written…

  6. jillsmo says:

    LOL “So… there’s that”

  7. karen says:

    Sharks couldn’t even help us I don’t think….we’re a pretty glum bunch most days.

    Sharks with laser beams attached to their freakin’ heads? Now we’re cookin!

  8. Jen says:

    Well, I think we need to get some sharks at my work place.

  9. Lisa says:

    LOL. How is this not a worldwide necessity already? I think this may be the start of something… just think what a kind of future that would be…

  10. Alexandra says:

    I hate working, b/c of land sharks.

    Never been in a place where there weren’t any.

  11. Emilia says:

    I work at a zoo, and I’m pretty sure we need to move the guest relations office above the aquarium. It’d be a great way to improve customer service!

  12. Suniverse says:

    Good god, Kendall, you are GENIUS.

    Every. Fucking. Time.

    PS I want the shark tank, but portable, so I can put it to use whenever I need it. Which seems to be all. the. time.


  13. I can so think of a couple of levers I would like to place strategically all over our department. I all of a sudden have the sadistic evil grin on my face and my colleague across from me is giving me a weird look. Keep on staring hun, Im gonna pull that lever soon! 😉

    Awesome post!

  14. Sharks are the bears of the ocean. Fuck your shit, I’m in a shark suit.

  15. Handflapper says:

    Why limit sharks to the workplace? Think how much improved discipline and standardized test scores would be if there were shark tanks in schools?

  16. Kelley says:

    Can you build a shark tank under my house???

  17. Pen and Ink says:

    I know this would also improve writing speed in our critque group. This strategy would work wonders in the school environment and would solve many of the overcrowding problems.

  18. Oh my gosh. I’m so glad I found you. Looks like reading your entire blog from start to finish will be all I do at work tonight.

  19. Hahahah…”So there’s that!” Really did LOL!

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