Because Maya Angelou’s not for everyone.



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19 Responses to terrible father’s day cards for mediocre dads

  1. Elise says:

    It’s the little things in life we need to be grateful for…

  2. LOL, I’m sure many could use these cards!

  3. Raisel says:

    I could totally use one of these cards — if I knew where my dad lived. (It’s funny ’cause it’s true.)

  4. Lisa says:

    I’m pretty sure if you tried to sell these, people would buy them. My fav was the cigarettes one. Is it wrong that I was a little gutted my dad never did that so I couldn’t buy him it?… you don’t need to answer that I one, I know the answer already.

  5. HeathRobots says:

    This post gave me a mild panic attack. I thought today might be Father’s Day, and I had forgotten all about it. Thankfully I don’t have to feel bad about forgetting until next Sunday. Whew! I am a mediocre daughter.

    Never thought I would be bummed that my Dad never cheated, but then I saw your Teddy Bear IPod Father’s Day card. Aaaaand….now I am a horribly bad daughter.

  6. HA…. ooo… HAHAHHAHA!!! I so could have used these before my dad took off and never called again! (Don’t worry… I’m over the sad part… it’s been a long time.)

    Happy Father’s Day indeed. Thanks for the laughs!

  7. Alexandra says:

    I just want to spend a day with you.

    You, so talented.

    And, screw the #FF hashtag…I’m going to start the #SFFF hashtag with you.


  8. Suniverse says:

    I would like one of each, please.

    How do you not work for Hallmark already?

  9. Flannery says:

    This made me well up and get all sentimental. Damn it.

  10. Minka says:

    You fucked up the title of this post. Actually, these are excellent father’s day cards for mediocre dads. And how dare you continue to show off how frickin’ funny you are? Damn.

    Did you do the same for mother’s day? If so, I missed that one. But if you didn’t, you should do a belated post with those. It would be awesome.

  11. Handflapper says:

    If only my dad were still alive, I could send any one of these to him, if I cared enough to even send him a card, that is. Asshole didn’t even buy me anything after he cheated on Mom. Ever.

  12. Uncheyned says:

    Love these! One of these is going to my dad and one to my husband from our son.

  13. JaneDoe says:

    You are my new internet crush!

  14. Jessica says:

    You are hilarious!!

  15. Kelley says:

    Hahaha!!! So sad that these are appropriate for many dads out there. It’s sad and it’s funny! You’re awesome!

  16. Linny says:

    I am giving the thanks for not setting me on fire one to my husband from our cat…I am not even waiting until next father’s day

  17. Dana Boyle says:

    When I lived in New Orleans there was a gift shop that actually had cards like these. My favorite one was in the love section and it simply said, “I want my shit back.”

    Nice job! Well done!

  18. Kaywinnet says:

    Man, I got screwed. When my dad cheated, all I got was a few visits from the cops. Where’s my cool shit?!

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