Editor’s note: This is probably not the best day to start reading my blog, so if you’re new, I’m sorry. The wheels kind of came off the bus on this one.

I don’t even know where to start.

People are ridiculous. It’s probably an awesome ridiculous, though, because someone found my site by searching this:

Which is my new favorite sentence, because I’m pretty sure every situation gets better when you say “fuck your shit I’m in a bear suit.”

Like, the day you buy a bear suit.

Your first day of work.

Your last day of work, which will most likely be about 5 minutes after you show up dressed as a bear, because bear suits maybe aren’t business casual.

The day your girlfriend decides to break up with you, because you lost your job and you won’t take off your bear suit.

Even the day you realize most of your life has unraveled because you’re in a bear suit will definitely get a little better when you say:

You could be thinking: Kendall. This literally makes no sense.

To which I would respond: Skeptical reader, you might be right. I accidentally stabbed cut my finger earlier today while I was cooking, and I’ve been a little delirious with a combination of blood loss and the trauma of almost having to face the world without all of my digits. (Maybe the cut wasn’t that bad, but I seriously hope I never get stabbed to death because that shit was painful.)

But the surprising delight of “fuck your shit I’m in a bear suit” won’t seem so absurd when you’re unarmed and dressed as a bear during the zombie apocalypse.

Because being unarmed in a zombie apocalypse? That’s what would be really absurd. And anyway, who doesn’t look for a little comic relief just before their brains are devoured by zombies?