1. If you spend too much time traveling and not enough time resting, you will definitely get sick.

2. When you do get sick, the internet will be there for you. Like your mom. But in my case, way funnier than my mom.

3. I have wasted every sick day of my 20s until this one. Why didn’t people tell me that I could have a party on the internet when I’m sick? Why? I feel like there were at least six sick days in the past five years I could have spent tweeting snarky thoughts instead of resting. Rest is for punks. Spending a day on the internet is awesome.

4. Spending too much time on the internet tweeting and reading blogs leaves little time to get better. I may still be sick day tomorrow. But the internet will take care of me if I do! Win!

5. Being new in town has its perks. You can wear yoga pants to the grocery store and feel certain you won’t run into your boss or the girls from the Junior League. (Because let’s face it, the girls from the Junior League make you nervous even when you’re wearing your nicest outfit.)

6. I MUST stop responding to men who ask me “How you doing?” It took me several years to realize that these men weren’t actually asking how my day went or how the weather was. And even after it occurred to me that they didn’t give a crap how I was doing, I was too polite not to say “Fine, thanks.” But tonight, after a very suspicious gentleman asked if he could “holler at me,” I realized that I’m not helping anyone by responding. (I told him I was married. He said, “That’s too bad.” And I thought, “Because that’s the only thing standing in the way of this love connection…”)

7. There are already at least 3,459 people on the internet who are practically clones of myself. They’ve been tweeting and blogging since forever, and I should give up now.

8. I WON’T give up now, because I’m still not done talking.

9. If you pass a pick-up truck on the road in a Prius, the pick-up truck driver will try to race you. The bigger the wheels, the more determined the driver will be. Let the pick-up truck driver win. It’s better for everyone that way.

10. The jury’s out on whether or not blogging after a shot of Nyquil is one of the “Five Tools of Awesome Bloggers,”* but that won’t stop me from trying it.

(*Don’t Google “Five Tools of Awesome Bloggers.” I don’t know what you’ll find. It’s not a thing, I just made it up.)

Update: Googled “Five Tools of Awesome Bloggers,” so you don’t have to. Nothing to see. Unless you’re the author of “Five Tools of Awesome Bloggers.” If that’s the case, great job. Super thoughtful title.