It was raining cats and dogs and (apparently) spiders the other day, when this thing showed up on our back porch. Winston was the first to spot it, while I was the first to scream at it. It was so still for so long that the Mr and I actually thought it was dead. I even considered giving it half-hearted funeral after the storm passed. (Not really, I mostly considered making the Mr get that thing the heck off out of my sight as soon as the last drop of rain had fallen.)
But when the rain stopped and I went to check on the spider big enough to apply for its own driver’s license, it was gone. It was just like at the end of the horror movie when the surviving college co-eds burn, shoot, stab and pour acid on the masked villain, but as soon as the cops show up, the body disappears. And the killer–or in my case the spider–lives to make a sequel. I’m going to have nightmares for weeks.
In which Winston shows his stuffed reindeer who’s boss.
In a marriage, only one of you can be crazy at a time. I cannot stress this enough. You must take turns being insane.
Exhibit A:
When I dropped a full bottle of grape seed oil (OIL!) on the kitchen floor, and it broke into an evil soup of about one million glass shards and OIL (FREAKIN’ OIL!), I got to be crazy, and the Mr had to be sane. This way someone is actually cleaning the mess up, while the other person is cursing their clumsiness, flailing around like a hysterical person and wondering what the hell gets grape oil off of painted walls. (I know this much, kicking the stain and crying at it will not help.)
And this afternoon when the Mr knocked a hot pink, strawberry smoothie off of his desk and onto the carpet of his office, all over the stack of books he keeps around his desk (Aside: it’s like he’s building a fort in there. A damn fort of books on the law and accounting. In short, the most boring fort ever.) It was my turn to be the sane one, wiping down “Fraud and the Law” textbooks and scrubbing the white carpet until my arms felt like they might fall off.
What have we learned? It’s my turn to be crazy next. Yippee!
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