To Whom It May Concern,

After an unnecessarily long hiatus originally induced by an interstate move and then prolonged by a couple of naps, I had hoped to return–somewhat triumphantly–to the internet today with a post full of pictures! And even sarcasm!

And then, as you might be observing right now, my site imploded with some kind of weirdness that keeps changing and has yet to be cured and I’ve started calling it AIDS. Yeah. My site has AIDS right now. Hopefully, it’s the Magic Johnson kind, but regardless of the variety, I’m pretty sure there will be a slight delay, making my return somehow less triumphant, which is total garbage because I love triumphant returns almost as much as I love run-on sentences.

Since I don’t want to post any pictures–for fear they will be removed or impossible to enjoy because of this bullshit–and I just made a (probably) offensive reference to AIDS, I thought I’d take a second to say hi to Liz (of Jupiter, FL), because I know this hiatus has left her feeling hurt.

Liz: I am very sorry. I have complete confidence that we will be reunited in the near future. Please know that I love you, even though we’ve never met, and that soon we will be together. Forever. (Don’t worry. It’s not creepy, because I didn’t narrow my eyes and use a weird voice…that you know of.)

And to anyone else that reads this, please come back soon. I probably love you, too (unless you’re the guy that invented site AIDS or Tropical Flavored Skittles). Would you read a Friday post? Site AIDS will likely (hopefully) be cured by Friday (I think.)